He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
