mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
