Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize