Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize