you would pick up someone in the library
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize