so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
