i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
