Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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