He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
