I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
