I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
