that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
