My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
