you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize