I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
