I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
