i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
