I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
