i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
