I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
