I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
