Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize