This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
