i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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