i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
