if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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