If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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