Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
