She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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