did you get engaged???
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
