im six kinds of drunk right now
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
