forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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