the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
