i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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