Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
