as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
