I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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