You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
