You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
