I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
