i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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