Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
