Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
