did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sarcasm needs its own font
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
