woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
