You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
