I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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