i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize