Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
