just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
