I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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