So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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