Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
