i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
