They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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