Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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