she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
