I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
