Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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